They're Still Hurting
by CFCPD
Summary: "Gabby is over and Gabby is gone. Gabby's decided it's time to move on." Casey and Dawson post 3x10. What is going through their minds after Dawson requests to leave shift? Can they work through their problems, or will they be driven apart?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I own the rights to the song 'Still Hurting.' All rights belong to NBC, the wonderfully brilliant creators and writers of the show, and the talented Jason Robert Brown.

_Gabby is over and Gabby is gone_

_Gabby's decided it's time to move on _

The rest of the shift had gone by painfully slow. As he watched Gabby's defeated form walk away from him, every bone in Casey's body fought the urge to go after her. His mind was too stubborn.

He stood in place, shocked by his own words that spilled out of his mouth. He was scared this would happen, that he would keep everything bottled up and one day it would all just spew out of him. He never wanted to hurt her. God, her face. The way her eyes lost that angry passion. How her entire facial expression turned from feisty to deflated in a matter of seconds. The way she slightly recoiled, as if his words had stung her. He supposes they had.

She had requested permission to leave. He had granted it. Just like that, their relationship had come undone.

On the drive back to the apartment, he remembers the first time he had ever met Gabriela Dawson. It was her first day at 51, the guys were gathered outside in the driveway, doing some random drill when she walked up the street. Her enthusiasm was contagious. He smiled instantly. He was engaged to Hallie at the time, but he couldn't help the feeling he got when he shook her hand, her big brown eyes lingering on his for a moment longer than necessary. Her hand encased in his. He smiles as he remembers how perfect it felt. Gabriela Dawson had changed his life in ways he could have never seen coming. She is fierce, she is brilliant, she is beautiful, and she is his.

At least she was.

When he gets back to the apartment, he quickly opens the door and calls out for Gabby. He had granted her permission to leave shift early, and he assumed he would find her back at their apartment. It had taken them months to find the perfect place, but that's what it was: perfect. It was theirs. It was home. He knew she would be upset. Angry, even. He loved when she was angry. He loved watching her, eyes squinted ever so slightly, challenging him. They sure knew how to challenge each other. They've been doing it for years. They're both passionate, willing to do whatever is necessary for the ones they love, but boy are they stubborn. After Casey disposed of his bag in the doorway, he began to make his way through the apartment, hoping that he would find Gabby in their bedroom. He didn't. Instead he found an empty closet. He quickly pulled out his cellphone, his fingers mindlessly dialing.

Voicemail.

If there is one thing Matthew Casey knew better than himself, it was Gabriela Dawson, and he knew that right now she just needed time to cool off. She would come back to him. As he laid himself down on the couch in their living room, something on the coffee table caught his eye. Next to the empty beer bottles was the engagement ring that Gabby had excitedly accepted weeks ago. As he slowly picks up the ring, he allows himself to imagine what a life without Gabriela Dawson would look like. As he lays down a second time, his body succumbs to sleep, his hand clutching the silver ring.

She would come back to him.

She had to.

_Gabby has new dreams she's building upon_

_And I'm still hurting_

Casey is soon awoken by the sound of a door being shut. Jumping up, he is disappointed to see his fellow lieutenant enter the door. "You look like hell," Severide said, chuckling lightly to himself. "Not fighting with the better half, are we?" Severide took Casey's silence as his answer. Sitting down next to his friend, he watched as Casey tiredly wiped at his face, his expression nearly impossible to read. "Do you want to talk about it?" "She's gone," Casey muttered. He laughed then. A quiet, hollow laugh. "Can you believe that? _She_ disobeys my orders, _she _runs back to her ex, and _she_ leaves me." After another long moment of silence he turns his body towards Severide. "I'm not sure how to fix this. Hell, I'm not sure it can even be fixed." Severide lightly pats his back, unsure of what to say to his distraught friend. He had known that Casey loved Gabby long before Casey knew himself. It was written all over his face. In the way his eyes lit up when she walked into the room, her head tilted back, laughing at something absurd that Shay had just told her. It was in the way he would anxiously search the area after a call to find her, and once his eyes landed on hers, his body visibly loosened up. Dawson was the only person that could ever make Casey see reason, but she was also the only person that could make him throw all reason out the door.

They would find their back.

They had to.

Their problems had started when Gabby decided that she wanted to be a firefighter. Casey spent months trying to prove to her that he was on board with her decision. He was. She was his girl, after all, and if being a firefighter was her dream then he supported her every step of the way. He would be lying if he said he wasn't terrified. He has been on the job for a long enough time to know how dangerous it is. He's watched people die right before his eyes; people he loved, people that he considered best friends. He couldn't watch that again, especially not _his_ Gabby. She was his world. It's funny, looking back, if you had asked him years ago he would have told you that Hallie was his world. Losing her, watching her die, it felt like the air was being ripped from his lungs. He wasn't sure he would ever catch his breath. He did. Gabby brought him back. One thing he knows for certain, if that had been Gabby that he had watched die, he would never breathe the same again.

It had always been Gabby. Sure, it took him longer to catch up, but the feelings were always there. Things were just complicated. First Hallie, then Mills; they could never find the time to make it work. Until they did. Until the moment that Casey knew he couldn't spend one more second pretending that he and Gabby were just friends. The truth is, they had never been just friends. It had always been something more, he was just too distracted to realize it.

Things had begun to really fall apart when Gabby was given the candidate spot on Truck 81. His heart had ached at how eagerly she accepted the position. She had to have known that this would mean the wedding would be put off, that they wouldn't be able to get married right away. If she knew that, how could she be so happy about the new arrangement? Had she not wanted to marry him? Had he imagined her excitement? If she had to choose, would it be the job over him? He didn't want to let her happiness hurt him, he understood this was a great opportunity for Gabby, for them as a couple, but he was disappointed. God, he wanted to marry her. He wanted to wake up every morning with Mrs. Casey in his arms. He wanted to start building a family with her. He wanted a little baby girl that looked just like her beautiful mother. He wanted to come home from shift and hold his little baby girl in his arms and be together as a family. He wanted it all, and it felt like Gabby wasn't even giving it a second thought.

Sure, Casey was glad that he could watch her more closely with her on his truck, but they soon found out that it would be far more difficult to work together than they had originally anticipated. He hadn't meant to treat her differently, he wanted nothing more than to order her around like he would any other candidate that walked through 51's doors, but this was his girl, and he needed to keep her safe.

He couldn't lose her.

In the end, he lost anyway.

_Casey arrived at the end of the line_

_Casey's convinced that the problems are mine_

Immediately after leaving shift Gabby had rushed home, the tears spilling freely down her cheeks. She was thankful that she managed to keep them at bay while fighting with Casey. She didn't want him to see her break down. She was stronger than that. She alway had been. Maybe that was the problem. She had become so fiercely independent, that she was scared to let someone all the way in. She loved Casey. _Loves _him. She always has. Since the moment those gorgeous blue eyes stared into her own, she knew that he was the one but losing Shay closed her off. She had watched her best friend die. She couldn't save her. It should have been _her. _She knows that, and since that day she hasn't been able to truly open up to anyone close to her. Shay. God, she missed her. If she were here, none of this would be happening. Shay always knew exactly what to say to make everything better, she would have fixed this. At the thought of Shay, Gabby gently closes her eyes and tilts her head up to the sky. As the tears fall down her cheeks, she silently wishes that they had never traded places in that building.

As she gets home and begins to pack her closet up, she thinks back to the day she and Casey had first met. She was walking up to the firehouse, her nerves making her giddy, when she spotted all of the men outside running drills. Her eyes immediately darted over to the handsome blonde, but she had quickly looked away, tucking her stray hairs behind her ears. Animatedly, she walked up to the men and introduced herself. They were all one more welcoming than the other, and she couldn't help but feel at ease among them. That is, until her hand was being lightly shook by the gorgeous blonde. Casey he had said was his name, his dimples impossible to ignore. She couldn't look away. She was drawn to him for reasons she could never quite explain. A light cough from one of the men shook her from her thoughts and she had begun to walk away, mingling with the rest of the guys. With one more backwards glance, she smiled to herself as she was met those beautiful blue eyes that she would later know by heart.

As she slowly pulls her ring off her finger, her mind flashes with images of Casey's face from a few nights ago. Mills had offered to help her close up, still on edge himself after a run-in with Lullo, and she couldn't refuse a chance to catch up. Ever since she and Mills had broken up, there hadn't been many moments like this, chances to catch up and chat as friends. Without Shay, she could really use someone to talk to. She couldn't exactly talk to Antonio about her relationships problems, not in the midst of his separation from Laura. She knew it was killing him, and she couldn't bombard him with her own relationship woes. Mills had been her friend before they began their relationship and they could get back to that. That night was supposed to be a start. That is, until Casey walked in on Mills trying to pacify her fears and uncertainties. It was an innocent gesture, his hand lightly cradling mine. A gesture she would never get the chance to properly explain to Casey.

Casey had thought she was running back to Mills. He thought she was unsure about them, about her marrying him. If only he knew. It was always him.

Even when it was Mills, it was _Casey._

_Casey is probably feeling just fine_

_and I'm still hurting_

Gabby knocked lightly on the door to Sylvie Brett's apartment. In just a few short months, Brett had become one of Gabby's closest friends, someone she could turn to. She was there to listen, and when necessary she always offered up words of encouragement. In some ways, Brett reminded Gabby of Shay. Loyal to a fault. Willing to do anything for a friend. Sometimes, it felt like Shay had sent Brett to her, to watch over her and be there for her when she needed someone to talk to. She likes to think her friend is watching down on her. She's always with her. Always.

Brett had been generous enough to offer up her couch for Gabby. After apologizing for lack of space, Gabby had assured her that this would not be a permanent arrangement. She just needed a place to cool off. As Gabby laid herself down on Brett's couch, she desperately tried to close her eyes and sleep off the pain of the day, but as she closed her eyes she couldn't shake the image of the gorgeous blonde at the firehouse. The girl was flawless. She couldn't compete with that.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. She has spent so much time being terrified of losing Casey, that she never stopped to think that maybe he was already lost.

_Casey is sure something wonderful died_

_Casey decides it's his right to decide _

If there is one thing Gabriela Dawson knew better than herself, it was Matthew Casey. He needed space to get his thoughts in order. He needed time to fully understand the severity of his words. She had known the second the words tumbled out of his mouth that he had wanted to take them back. The way his gaze immediately dropped to the floor, how his hands came up to rub his face. These were his tells. She had known him too well to not notice, he was hurting just as much as she was. He looked tired. Worn. He hadn't meant to hurt her. She knows that. The words seemed to surprise him just as much as they had surprised her.

"This is just a job, Matt. What we have is everything." She had meant those words when she said them. Their relationship always meant more to her. Always would. How could they let work pull them so far apart from one another, change them beyond recognition? How did they get here?

Why was Matt being so stubborn?

How was he willing to give up so easily?

She will always love him.

_Gabby has secrets she doesn't confide_

_and I'm still hurting_

Losing Shay was difficult for all of us at 51, some more than others. Severide was still openly struggling with the loss, but Gabby was different. Gabby has always been a quiet sufferer. She internalizes her feelings, too proud to let anyone know she is hurting, but Casey always saw past that. He was always able to tell when she was hurting, and he was always the one person that could help her through the pain. She always had trouble letting people in, but with him it was different. It was supposed to be different. Hell, they are getting married. She had said yes to his proposal. He thought that had meant she would open up about her grief, that she wouldn't back away from talking about the unbearable loss of her best friend. He knew it was killing her. He could tell by the way she would shut off whenever anybody uttered Shay's name, the way she would slow down and glance at Shay's plaque whenever she walked by it, staring, her mind somewhere else. He was waiting for her to open up. He all but begged her to talk to him, let him in.

He knew that she was struggling, but he couldn't help her if she wouldn't let him in. Why wouldn't she talk to him?

Why was Gabby being so stubborn?

How was she willing to give up so easily?

He will always love her.

_Gabby is over and where can I turn?_

_Covered with scars I did nothing to earn_

_Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn_

_But that wouldn't change the fact_

_That wouldn't speed the time_

_Once the foundation's cracked_

_And I'm_

_Still Hurting_

Author's note: Thanks for reading. This is my first, and possibly only, stab at fan fiction. Hope you enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

Hi all! After the wonderful comments I've received I decided to make this a three part story instead of a one-shot. I'm so glad you enjoyed the first chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. All rights belong to NBC.

Casey had just gotten out of the shower when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. Thinking it was Gabby, he quickly moved to answer it. Towel wrapped around his bare midsection, he abruptly swung open the door, only to be met once again with his newest roommate.

Casey was glad his friend had taken him up on his offer to move in. After Shay had died, he knew Severide would benefit from living with someone who he could turn to when necessary. It wasn't that Casey felt obligated to help him, it was that he wanted to. He wanted to make sure someone would always be there for him like Shay had been. He knew Severide would never have another best friend like Shay, but he would be there for him in whatever capacity he needed, and that is exactly what he was doing. Even when Severide brought Brittany home, Casey knew better than to turn his back on his friend. If the marriage was going to fall apart, Severide would need a shoulder to lean on. He wasn't going to abandon him. Not when he was most vulnerable. He had even managed to convince Gabby to give Brittany a shot.

Gabby.

He wondered where she was, who she was with. Every time he had tried to call her, it went straight to voicemail. He looked over to the dresser, her engagement ring lying there, and he felt an ache in his chest. It belonged on her finger. He had to get it back there.

Severide tapped him on his shoulder, shaking him from his thoughts. "Hey man, listen, you need to get out of this apartment. Sitting in your bedroom, staring at her ring isn't going to do you any good." Casey knew his friend was right. He had planned on spending the night at the apartment just in case Gabby had decided she was ready to come home, but Severide made a good point. Waiting was only going to drive him crazy.

"Well, you have suggestions? Let's hear 'em."

Severide offered a sly grin and told his buddy to get dressed. "Unless, of course, you're planning on rocking the towel at the bar," he said, laughing to himself on the way into the kitchen. Casey couldn't help but laugh himself. Severide had always managed to make light of stressful situations. That was his nature. Casey admired that, but he also envied it. He so desperately wanted to be the guy that just went with the flow, but he was much too passionate. Everything he did, every person he loved, he gave all of himself to. He found himself enjoying the balance that Severide brought to his life. His relationship with Severide had come a long way. Hell, a year ago he would have never believed they would be living together one day. He would never admit this to Severide, but he was really enjoying this new living arrangement.

He settled on jeans and a blue long-sleeved shirt. Gabby always loved him in blue.

As he finished getting himself ready, he made one more glance in the mirror, spiking the few pieces of hair in the front of his face. He could hear Severide calling his name from out in the hallway and if he was being honest with himself, he couldn't get out of the apartment fast enough. He could use a few drinks after the day he had. As he moved to join his friend, he picked up the ring that was lying on his dresser and placed it in his pocket. "For safe keeping," he told himself.

Just in case.

xXx

Gabby woke to the sound of Brett humming to herself in the kitchen. Reaching for her phone, she groaned when she realized her battery had died, and she quietly cursed herself for forgetting to bring her charger with her. Slowly, she sat up, giving herself a moment to collect her thoughts.

Matt.

He was always her first thought. She wondered what he was up to. Had he had enough time to cool off? Were they ready to have a real, genuine conversation?

She was soon distracted as Brett popped her head in from the kitchen. "Good morning," she said in a sing-song tone, "or should I say good evening."

Gabby smiled at her antics. Brett was always so chipper. When she had first been assigned to 51, Gabby had been slightly bitter. Her best friend had just died in front of her and here was a giddy, blonde paramedic coming to take her place. She wanted to make sure Brett knew that nobody could take Shay's place. After getting to know her, though, she realized that she understood. She wasn't there as a replacement, as least not in the abstract sense. She was simply there to do her job. The eventual friendship between the two was a bonus. Over time, Gabby had come to appreciate her lightheartedness. She even caught herself humming to herself as they finished preparing dinner together.

"Make sure you eat, can't have you drinking on an empty stomach," Brett had told her, handing her a plate of her newest concoction.

"Drinking?"

"Yes. After a day like today, it only seems fair that you treat yourself to a night of forgetting. Besides, didn't you mention that it was Herrmann's night to close up Molly's? Why not give him some company. Otis and Cruz will be there too, it'll be good for you. Promise. If you feel like you want to get out of there, just give me the signal."

"Oh, we have a signal now?" Gabby countered. She couldn't help but giggle at the little blonde.

"Uhm, yeah. I'll work on that," Brett giggled back. "Now go get ready, we're leaving in ten."

"Alright, alright. I won't turn down a drink," Gabby said, hands in the air. With that Gabby quickly went into the bathroom to apply light makeup to her face and fix her hair. After giving herself a once over in the bathroom mirror, she decided she looked presentable. After all, she was only going to be with the guys, she didn't have to impress anyone. As she turned to shut the bathroom light, her eyes lingered on her bare ring finger.

Ignoring the ache in her chest, she joined her friend outside.

xXx

After Brittany went back home, Severide had been actively trying to stay away from alcohol. He had realized that drowning his sorrows in a drink was not helping him and if he was going to begin to heal he had to be honest with himself about his grief. Tonight, however, he was making an exception. Casey needed him, and it would be better if his friend just forgot his heartache, if only for a few hours.

They had decided on their way out the door that they would walk, both convinced that neither would be in any condition to drive home once the night was over. They settled on a quiet little bar a few blocks away from the apartment; its close proximity to Molly's not lost on Casey. Standing in the doorway, his eyes lingered on his girl's bar that he spotted about a block down the road. Severide,his hands on Casey's shoulders, pushed him through the door of the bar. They were ready to start the night.

About an hour and several drinks later, Casey was beginning to enjoy himself. No sooner did he begin to forget his troubles with Dawson, Severide's phone buzzed. He quickly opened the message from Capp, which said that all of the guys were at Molly's and that the lieutenants should meet them there. Unbeknownst to Severide, Casey had read the message and had begun insisting that they 'meet their bros for drinks.' Severide, unsure, tried to talk his slightly intoxicated friend out of the plan, but with no luck. They were soon heading out the door and up the street.

xXx

At Molly's, Gabby and Brett had been enjoying themselves, perhaps a little too much. Herrmann, thankfully, had kept the shots coming. No questions asked. Gabby had almost forgotten what is was like to just enjoy a night out with the guys. No stress. Just fun. About an hour into the night, she had forgotten about her fiancé troubles and had allowed herself to have fun with her brothers. Otis and Cruz were quite the duo. Gosh, could they make her laugh. They bickered like an old married couple.

She was laughing at something Cruz had said, her head tilted back, her hands lightly slapping the bar, when the door opened. Too distracted by her laughter, she had failed to notice that in walked the very guy she was drinking to forget.

xXx

Casey quickly, or as quickly as he could, walked in the direction of Molly's, his body swaying freely. Severide had tried to steady him, to steer him in the opposite direction even, but Casey was insistent. As they reached the door of the bar, Casey heard a familiar noise. A noise that he had once vowed to never forget. He would know that sound anywhere. He opened the door and was met with the source. There she was, looking as gorgeous as ever. His hands, as if it were a reflex, reached into his pocket, clutching the ring.

Just like that, he sobered up.

His eyes immediately scanned her body. She had jeans on and a black lace shirt. Her hair, down, was curled around her face, and she had a dark red lipstick on. She looked perfect. She always looked perfect, but tonight was different. She looked happy. Her head was currently thrown back, her eyes smiling brighter than her lips ever could. God, he loved her. He could watch her laugh for the rest of his life.

As Capp enthusiastically called the men over, Gabby's head snapped to the door.

There he was, standing in the doorway of the bar. His blue shirt hugging his arms. God, she loved that color on him. She felt her cheeks begin to heat as Casey's eyes remained locked on hers. They were both rooted in their spots, everything happening around them, neither willing to break the moment.

Had it only been a few hours since she last saw him?

"Lieutenant, I would offer you a drink, but it looks like someone already hooked you up in that department." Casey smiled at Herrmann's comment, his eyes briefly leaving Gabby's. When he looked back, he offered her a small smile and made his way over to the rest of the men. He told himself that if Gabby was ready to talk to him, she would make the first move.

xXx

Gabby wanted to run to Casey and wrap her arms around him. She wanted to breathe him in and tell him how sorry she was for disobeying his orders on the job. She wanted to explain the Mills situation, but most of all, she just wanted to be in her fiancés arms again, where she belonged. She wanted to tell him she loved him and only him. Casey had sent a small smile her way and she was just about to walk over and approach him when he moved towards the other guys. He wasn't there for her. She should have known he would need more time. She told herself that if Casey was ready to talk to her, he would make the first move.

With that, she turned back to Brett, ready to continue their conversation.

A few minutes later, too distracted by Casey's lingering presence, she said to hell with it. As she turned, her eyes scanning the room, she realized that Casey was already gone.

Thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again! Back with the last chapter of this little story. I hope you enjoyed! I have an idea for another story already brewing so stick around. Thanks for the positive feedback to what started as a one- shot. I hope this last part does the story justice!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. All rights belong to NBC.

The crisp air hit Casey's face as he made his way back towards his apartment. _Their apartment_. God, she looked beautiful tonight. He had to get out of there, he couldn't be in the same room as her. He would give her space if that was what she wanted, but he wouldn't torture himself. His hands tucked gently into his pockets, he continues to mindlessly twirl her ring, his subconscious alerting him to the possibility that perhaps he stumbled into his girl tonight for a reason.

He questioned his sudden departure from the bar for almost three blocks. Should he have stayed? Should he have demanded that they talk? Should he have explained that he had never meant to hurt her with what he said at the station, that the words tumbled out, their weight shocking the both of them? No, she knew. She always knew. She knew him far better than he would ever know himself. He was about two blocks from the apartment when his thoughts finally won, convincing him to turn around.

He sharply turned his body, pointing himself back towards the direction of Molly's. The sight in front of him took him by surprise.

xXx

Gabby frantically searched the room in search for the presence that she had felt so drawn to just moments before. The rest of the guys were still here, maybe Casey had simply gone to the restroom. She excused herself from the conversation with Brett and strode over to the guys.

"Hey Severide," she greets her newest roommate. She hadn't expected her voice to sound so shaky, but she ignores it, pressing on, "Where did Matt go? You guys didn't drive did you? He's not driving?" The questions fired out of her mouth and Severide rested his hands on her shoulders, laughing to himself. "Relax, Dawson. We didn't drive. Matt was walking back to the apartment, said he needed some air. I'm sure he's fine, we only had a few drinks back at the pub. He was just trying to forget…" Severide stops himself, noticing Dawson's expression change. "Look," he begins again, "Like I said, he is gonna be fine. I promise you that," He finishes, giving Gabby's shoulders a little squeeze and offering up a small smile. At this, Gabby offers a weak smile in return. Unwilling to take his word for it, she quickly says her goodbyes, grabs her coat, and heads out the door.

As she briskly walks in the direction of their apartment she silently curses herself for not approaching Casey sooner, her thoughts and regrets swirling around in her head. She was so lost in them, that she had almost been too distracted to notice a familiar figure a few steps ahead of her.

Gabby smiled to herself, relieved that she was able to catch up to him. She had walked quietly behind, not yet ready to alert him to her presence, content with just watching. She had not planned on running into him tonight, hadn't prepared herself for an inevitable conversation. What would she say? What if it only made it worse? She wasn't ready to lose him. If she was being honest with herself, she would_ never_ be ready to lose him. That's exactly why she had so vehemently accepted his proposal weeks ago. She wanted them to belong to one another. Forever. She looks down at her ring finger, wishing her beloved piece of jewelry was in its rightful place.

Suddenly, before she has time to turn herself around and retreat back to Molly's, before she can back out and give him the space she thinks he wants, he turns his body.

Their eyes meet once again.

xXx

Neither is prepared for the encounter, their small gasps proving that both are stunned by the other's presence. After what feels like hours of staring blankly into one another's eyes, Casey is the first to offer a small smirk. He had been wanting this moment, hell, he was on his way to her. What was Gabby doing out here? He hadn't realized the words left his mouth until he heard her voice. "I, uh," Gabby offers, her voice softer than usual, her fiery passion hidden. If Casey hadn't known better, he would say she looked vulnerable. Who is he kidding, he _did_ know better, and she _was_ nervous. That made two of them. "I was actually looking for you. I was on my way to talk to you back at the bar but I realized you had left already." "I hope it's okay that I followed you," she begins. Casey is quick to cut her off. "It's always okay, Gabby."

It's her turn to smile now.

"I was actually on my way to talk to you," he begins. "Listen, I understand if you need the space right now, but…"

"We need to talk," Gabby cut him off.

Of course she had known what he was going to say before he said it. He nods at her, unsure of where to start. "Would you mind if we took this conversation back to the apartment, I don't really think this," he gestures towards the residential street, "Is the appropriate venue for it." It is now Gabby's turn to nod in reply.

The short walk back to the apartment is quiet, neither ready to break their comfortable silence, both secretly afraid that a conversation will do more harm than good.

Afraid. They keep going back to this. They had never, in all of the years they had known each other and worked together, had trouble being honest with one another. They certainly had never been _afraid _to offer up their honest opinions to one another, regardless of the topic. So why now? Why, after years of building a solid friendship, a friendship that turned into a deep love, why had they been so afraid. Both knew they needed to fix this, needed to air out all of their thoughts and grievances, insecurities and vulnerabilities in order to move forward. They needed to move forward. Together. They had come too far to give up on their relationship now, but how?

Casey, always the gentleman, opens the door for her, guiding her into the apartment. He offers to take her coat and Gabby easily reads his actions. He is trying to ease the tension. He was always good at that. He was always extra attentive, wanting to make sure she was comfortable. It was one of the many things she loved about him. He sits himself down on the sofa, the silence surrounding him. He feels Gabby's body as she moves to sit next to him, her hands folded together in her lap.

Neither says a word.

At least not yet.

xXx

Gabby is the first to break the silence. "You never let me explain," she begins, softly speaking into her interlocked fingers. "What you walked in on at Molly's was harmless, Matt. Just two friends talking. It didn't mean anything."

Casey goes to interrupt but she quickly puts her hand up.

"Please, let me just get this out. I know what you heard. I know what you saw, but Matt, I promise you I wasn't running back to anything. Mills and I were friends, good friends, before we started a relationship and I just thought we could get back to that. We both needed friendship that night. That's all. After Shay," she starts, "I just, I needed someone to talk to, Matt." At this point, the tears were softly cascading down her cheeks, "Shay, she always knew what to say, how to fix everything. I don't have that anymore. I just needed to hear that it was all going to be okay. That's all that interaction was, Matt. Reassurance."

Casey, who had been watching her intently, motions to her, asking for his chance to speak, it is granted.

"Gabby, I have been asking you for months to open up to me. Almost begging. I understand that maybe I overreacted when I reprimanded you about not obeying my orders, but Gabby, this is my job. Your job. We can't jeopardize that. We have to remain level-headed, especially when other chiefs are on scene. I need you to follow my command when it is given to you. This isn't just about you and me there are other men on truck. Men that could get hurt if we don't behave professionally. I said a while ago that I worried about you every time you got on the ambulance, that a truck would be that times ten, and it was true. Every time the bell goes off I worry. What if you get hurt? What if I can't prevent it from happening? This is a dangerous job, Gabby, and I want to protect you from it but I need to look out for my other men as well. This is bigger than us."

"And yes, I should have accepted your request to talk about it at home, but…" He doesn't finish, instead he brings his hands up to cradle his head, rubbing his eyes.

Gabby nods in understanding, offering nothing in retaliation. Casey takes this as his cue to continue.

"You going to Mills hurt. I understand now that you felt like you had no one else to turn to, but him. Gabby, there is history there. Yeah, maybe it was nothing, but what was I supposed to think? I heard you, 'It's not the work part that's hard, it's the home part.' I saw him grab your hand. I get it, we were arguing, I was being irrational and I admit that, but running to him? An ex-boyfriend? You all but said you were unsure about us, about how we would make it work. I've been sure since the moment I stood behind your door that night all those months ago."

Gabby is taken back by Casey's brief monologue. Had he really believed she was unsure of them? She smiled then, shaking her head. Then she said the only thing that she could think of. She said the truth.

"Matt, I've been sure from the second I met you. Yes, I said the home part was rough and it has been, but that in no way means I am unsure about us. I was just worried. I knew I messed up, I knew that our arrangement wasn't working how we had anticipated, and I was scared we wouldn't be able to fix it. I admit it. I was scared, but I am sure of one thing, and that is that I want to marry you, Matthew Casey."

"Why not Brett," Casey offers, still hurt by her choice in confidant. "If you needed someone to turn to, why not Brett? Why Mills? Listen, Gabby, if there are lingering feelings there I need to know now."

Gabby laughs then. A hearty chuckle. Casey looks on, unamused.

"Oh Matt. Don't you understand? Even when it was Mills, it was _you_."

With that, Casey bridges the gap between them, his lips finding Gabby's.

xXx

After needing a breath of air, Casey gently pulls back, detaching his lips from Gabby's. He doesn't pull away, content to breathe her in. She was home. Their foreheads resting together, he speaks again. "How are we going to fix this. We need to fix this I can't lose you."

"Hey," Gabby says, pulling back, staring right into Casey's eyes. "You are never going to lose me. We will fix this. We just need to be honest with each other moving forward. No more stubbornness. If there is a problem, we address it, we talk it through. We can't just let it fester until it all comes tumbling out. We'll only keep hurting each other that way."

"Honesty? I can do that." Casey smiles.

"If I'm being honest here, I hate that you're a candidate. I hate that we have to keep our engagement under wraps. I hate that I can't marry you, that we can't start our family. When you accepted the new position at 51 so quickly and enthusiastically, it hurt."

It is Gabby who goes to interject now, but Casey continues.

"I understand why you were so happy, believe me, I do. I was glad to have you on truck too, but it almost felt like you were content with putting our wedding off. Yet, it was all I could think about."

"Matt, I've said it before, I'll say it again, I'll say it a thousand times if I have to, there is nothing more I want to do than become Mrs. Casey. Nothing."

"I know. I just wish we could start our lives together sooner rather than later."

As they both get comfortable on the couch, Gabby's head tucked in Casey's neck, Casey moves once more. His hand reaching into his pocket, he pulls back looking at Gabby.

"Oh, one more thing. Since we are being honest, I don't think I feel comfortable with that bare finger of yours," he says, playfully tapping her finger. Both are smiling now.

"Oh yeah?" Gabby quips. "Well what are you going to do it about it?"

Casey pulls the ring out of his pocket, placing it on her finger once more.

"I'm gonna make sure it never leaves that finger again."

xXx

Thanks for reading all! Hope you like the end to this little one-shot that could :)


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